Almost Over

This year has been one of the hardest, trying, and most joyful times of my life. As I sit here in my room, listening to the movie playing in the living room, I am thinking of all that I am thankful for.

I am thankful for two wonderful children. They may not be my blood but they are my life. They are why I get up in the morning and why I work so hard. They are why I am trying to be a better person and mom. They are why I am so glad that I can call myself a mom. My life was empty without them. I know they are kids and I need to be patient more but I wouldn't change a thing about them. Yes, I would love for them to listen and not fight but what child doesn't do that with their sibling? I know that I did. My children are my world. One day, I hope that a brother or sister might join them. But for now, I am thankful that I have these two wonderful, often trying, children.

I am thankful for the miscarriage that I had. I have come to the realization that life hands you certain things in order to test you. This was one of the biggest tests I have had to go through. I might not have realized I was being tested but I was. I needed to see how strong of a person I really was. I needed to see this and understand the motions of it. I have realized that I had to learn failure before I saw results. I saw that with jobs I applied for and then I saw it with wanting a baby. When I think hard about it, I often cry. I won't forget this pregnancy or how I got through the loss of it. I am not all the way healed and I doubt that I ever will be. I don't want to focus my whole being on this but it is so far sketched into my heart, soul, and mind that I can't forget. My anger towards everything was understandable and I hope those around me that noticed it forgive me. I don't want those that are experiencing the joys of their pregnancy to be afraid to talk to me about their journey. I want to know all about it. I don't want to take others happiness away. I can't help but think, right now, I might know what I'm having. I might feel the baby kick. I would start picking things out and getting ready. I am not doing that. It hits me at certain times but I close my eyes, think about it and open my eyes and move on. My time will come. My time will come. My time will come.

I am thankful for my friends. They make me laugh, think, and sometimes cry. All though the crying isn't on purpose. Mainly it is the talking about serious matters that does it. I have such strong friends that have gone through some serious stuff and they have helped me in my time of need. I am thankful that they have accepted me the way that I am and they see me for who I am. I am not fake. I am not expecting something from them. I am the most giving person that I know. My friends are a lot like me. I love them all and I am so thankful that my journey in life has brought me to them. I hope that they know how special they are to me.

I am thankful for my family. My mom because she taught me all that I know today. She is one of the strongest people I know. She is tough in the face of adversity. She taught me right from wrong. She has lead me through life and stood by me no matter what. I don't know what my life would have been like without her guidance and strong hand. :) My brother. Oh my brother. What I would do without your humor? I don't know how I would have made it through my life without you. I don't tell you this often but I am so proud of you and how hard you work. You are such a private person and I hope that one day you will find that special woman that truly understands and loves you. Don't take that the wrong way, no woman will ever be perfect enough for my brother but I love him and I want what is best for him. Remember Bubba, I will love you no matter what. My dad. Hmmm...my dad. :) I love him. Although I might not like the choices he made in life, no matter what he is my dad. Deep down I believe I'm a daddy's girl. I might not have liked him but I sure do love him.

Lastly, my husband. I am so thankful for the life that we share. I am thankful that you helped me finish school and accomplish my goal of teaching. I am also thankful that I am a mom to our children. I am thankful that you love me and cherish me. My life was empty and full of self-loathing and you helped clear it up. I love you more each day and I don't know what I would do without you. I love you with my whole heart, body, and soul. Going on 7 years of marriage and it feels only like yesterday that we met.

So as the year draws to a close, I see the journey my life has taken and I am not at all sad about the choices I have made. 2011 will be a great year because I am a very thankful woman. I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas and an even more wonderful New Year.

Secret Santa

This was the first year that I have really had the money to do Secret Santa. All the other times I have done it, I was pushing it. :) I hope that my Secret Santa person enjoyed all the goodies I got for her.

Now my Secret Santa really knew me. She was AMAZING! I loved everything she got for me. Her husband writes amazing poems and they were clues about what I was getting that day. So I thought I would share the poems because they are too good to be true! :) Thank you Kelly (my Secret Santa)!!!

MONDAY

On Monday we start this game of Holiday Cheer,
Giving secret Santa gifts to friends we hold deer,
Your marbles I heard you lost,
The search was on, no matter the cost.
Over her and over there,
Your marbles I could not find anywhere.
New marbles were my new goal,
For without them, you make as much sense as a troll.
A new jar of marbles will make you wiser,
for without your marbles, you just are not the same Amanda Snider.

TUESDAY

The Monday blues are gone and Tuesday is smelling sweet,
Let's start this day with something good to eat.
Edward is your man, you say he is a real sweet heart,
The candy may be eaten, but the box you will not part.
If this Cullen man should appear,
As he holds your hand we hear you say "Oh Dear"
Some lotion is needed to make sure your hands are nice and soft,
As your head is spinning, as you slowly float to his loft.
Two days down, three to go,
All this secret Santa has to say is HO, HO, HO!

WEDNESDAY

Wednesday is the middle of the week,
Several times from your room we have heard you shriek.
The hump is here and you don't seem to care,
You should always be careful, cause your secret Santa could be anywhere.
A lump of coal is what you've got,
To earn more gifts, you will be put on the spot.
Your smile is dragging and your spirits need lifted
To the office you must go...if you want to be gifted.

(So I went to the office and I got this poem)

To the office you came with such a rush,
The gifts you must want, you will do what you must.
With students and your duty you hope your not long,
But to receive your gifts you must sing a song.
To the PA you go with such glee and fright,
You will light up the school just like Rudolph's nose at night.
"We Wish You a Merry Christmas" you must sing,
You are wondering who would do such a thing.
Pens and stickers and even a little picture frame,
You may guess and guess but you will never know your secret Santa's name.

THURSDAY

To Thursday we go,
Who your secret Santa is..you just want to know
The week is half over and this gift giving does not need to slack
We must build your strength with a nice little snack.
Oh my! You must say, as you wonder what the bag has inside,
You are guessing who I might be..but my identity I must hide.
Some drinks and candy and even some corn that pops,
When the week is over the fun will stop.
The week has been lots of fun,
I will be sad when the secret Santa is done.
I have watched you open your gifts from afar
Who knew so much fun could start with marbles in a jar.
Mrs. Snider, second grade you teach,
I need to get to know you, cause you seem like such a peach.

FRIDAY

Ahhhh...its Friday, the best day of the week.
I bet you the final secret Santa gift is what you seek.
You have gotten marbles in a jar, some lotion and even some candy,
All of these gifts you have thought are dandy.
At the end of this time as your secret Santa, you really need something superb
The gift you are getting is something special...Man right now I need some AWESOME verb.
You need something that will really test your wit,
Part of your gift is something neat. I just hope you haven't already scene-it.
I know that any candy would be just fine,
But you deserve what you want...so it had to be RED VINES.
Games are given at Christmas...Monopoly, dominoes, and Farkle
But I knew when I saw it...you must have an Edward that sparkles.
I know that you like to laugh and talk to my belly,
Your secret Santa is none other than Kelly.

(I loved all my gifts but my favorite part was reading the poems. They were the best! Of course, my Edward doll that sparkles is pretty AMAZING too!!!)

Freedom

I'm not talking about the freedom that we celebrate in July but the one where you are able to send your kids to another home for a little bit. My Thanksgiving break began on Friday when we drove out to Denton to drop the kids off. I had been looking forward to that day for a long time. It has been since July since we haven't had both kids gone. Usually only Brendan would go every other weekend but this Friday we sent both. I felt very guilty that I was so happy to send them to their mom's but I realized that with everything that has happened, I needed some alone time with Scott. We haven't talked much lately or even sat together and watched TV. It was always revolving around the kids. I know that is what my life is: my kids. But I want to feel that safeness and love that I get when I just sit with Scott. I needed it! I craved it! So as we left I blew kisses and said good-bye. As I sit in the silence of my house, I miss them but I hope they are having fun. They deserve it. We deserve it.

I am looking forward to the week off from school. Yes, I will miss my students and children but I have the ability to only care about myself and Scott right now. I wish that the kids were with us every holiday but that isn't how it goes when the parents are divorced. Unless you were me growing up. :) My childhood was nice. I had everything my mom could possibly get for me and my brother. I am not complaining at all about the way I grew up. It was a great childhood. I realized that when I became an instant mom at the age of 19. Everything is about my children. Everything. I live, breathe, work and would even die for them. Even if they didn't come from me, I would do anything in my power to protect them.

Lately, I have been thinking about how far along I would be in my pregnancy. Would I be showing? How soon would I start counting down to finding out what we were going to have? How soon could I start planning a room, a name, anything? But I lay at night and put my hands on the emptiness of my stomach and just think about all the plans that didn't form. I know that I will be able to make them again one day but losing this baby was probably one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. It rips through your soul and kills you a little inside. As my body is returning to normal it is a bittersweet feeling, one that I wish I didn't have to go through.

As you celebrate (or not) this upcoming holiday, remember to tell those that you love and those that are around you how much they mean to you. Things can happen in a second and you might never be able to tell them again. Live your life but love those around you! Happy Thanksgiving!

Checking In

Hello all that read this blog. :)

Just a friendly hello. I am doing okay. I go back to the doctor on Wednesday for my check up. Let's hope that everything is okay. Other than all that news...

I have spent the day at a football game watching my cheerleader, fishing/boating, doing laundry, and cleaning out a closet. I am so tired. But now, I have to begin balancing my checkbook because lo and behold, there are bills that need to be paid. :) Tomorrow, we have brunch and then another football game. After that, it is off to Denton to pick up the boy.

Thanksgiving is not coming quick enough...

Was here...Now gone

On September 26th, I took a home pregnancy test. To my amazement, it came back positive. I was floored. I couldn't believe that we had gotten pregnant so fast! Of course, I couldn't hold on to that secret for very long. So I called and talked to family and friends. Looking back, I probably should have not said anything. That way I can keep my grief and heartache to myself.

I scheduled my first doctor's appointment for October 20th (exactly 8 weeks or so the doctor told me). I was so excited. I was having morning sickness and I was so tired. I thought for sure this was going to be a great pregnancy.

On October 20th, we went into the sonogram room. The lady was talking and very chipper. "Is this your first pregnancy?" "Yes. I think I am going to cry." Ha! So we talked for a few minutes and she got really quiet. I knew something was wrong the moment she said, "I'm going to take a few more pictures." She was very quiet throughout the whole thing. I thought, "Oh well I guess they will tell us something soon." Never thinking at all about what the doctor was going to tell me. I was a little mad because I didn't get a picture but then when we saw the doctor I understood.

The ultrasound showed a sac but nothing else. No heartbeat. Nothing. So the doctor told us to come back in a week to see if there was any change but basically he told us that the baby had stopped growing. I was calculating 8 weeks but the baby was only measuring at 6 weeks. I thought, "Hmmm...my dates could be wrong." So I tried to stay positive.

On October 27th, we went in again. I had a full week to come to terms with losing the baby. Not that I didn't want to lose it but I just figured it would be easier for me to expect the worst. We went in to the room again to take a look. The ultrasound showed nothing. I knew then that it wasn't going to happen. I waited until we were in the doctor's office before breaking down. I thought I did okay with handling the walk from the ultrasound room to the office. I thought I did okay not breaking down until I looked at my husband and said, "You know they are going to want to do a D&C." At that moment, I knew I had failed. I wasn't going to handle this. I knew I was going to break down. The doctor told us that this happens more than we know. Well, I didn't want to be that person. I wanted to have a healthy pregnancy. I mean, the hubby had two healthy children with the ex and I can't even have one. I thought I was the worst person in the world. What did I do wrong? What should I have done differently? Even now, I don't know how I could have changed it.

We scheduled the D&C on October 28th. I couldn't eat or drink anything before the surgery. We went into the surgery center at 7:00 am. They prepped me and got me ready. I was really glad I shaved my legs. Such a random thought, but I couldn't really have all those people looking at my hairy legs. In the midst of all of this horrible, I laughed about my legs. The surgery was scheduled for 8:30 am. They came in and asked me questions. I hated answering them but they were all so nice and easy to talk to. We watched Saved By the Bell. The one where the group gets fake IDS and gets into a club. Funny how I would remember that. They came in and hooked me up to the anesthesia and off I was. While the hubby was in the waiting room, I was being taken care of. I don't know if I was in denial that day but I handled everything that day with a smile on my face and not breaking down into tears. I am pretty sure they thought I was a little crazy. So by 10:00 am October 28th, I was no longer going to be a mommy.

I am a mom to my kids. I know that. I love them and wouldn't trade them for the world, but they aren't mine. I didn't birth them. I didn't hold them or see them when they were born. I wasn't able to even do that with the one that I was pregnant with. So much anger and confusion is going on inside my head. I want to cry all the time. I feel as if I failed at something that should have been easy and fun. Never in my mind did I think I was going to say, I had a miscarriage. Never. I want to curl into a ball and cry forever. I know that the pain will eventually ease but I won't ever forget the moment that I took that test on September 26th and it was positive or the moment when the doctor said, "I'm sorry."

Whew!

I can't believe another school year has begun. My little boy is in 5th grade and my little girl is in 3rd grade! Where has the time gone? I have a few pictures that I took before the kids went to school. This was the first year since they started school that I didn't go with them because....I had my own class to get to for the first day of school. :) How cool is that??? So I had to say my goodbyes and hugs and kisses before I left. I got a little emotional missing their first day but I don't think they missed me too much. My boy rode the bus to school and rode the bus home. Of course, he would forget his key the first day. Good thing our neighbor was home to let him stay there until one of us could get home. But that was the only time (so far) that he has forgotten his key.







My classroom obviously doesn't look like this anymore. :) So much paperwork and more things on the walls. I am enjoying my teaching career so much!!! Sometimes I can't believe it happened! I am loving my job, the people I work with, and my students. I have waited so long for this and I am forever grateful!!!!







Labor Day weekend was relaxing and fun. First, the game on Saturday. We lost, the hospitality wasn't great, BUT the girls looked amazing. :) Sunday was a day of relaxing. We didn't do much. We did finally eat at Mooyah. The boys went hunting. They didn't get anything but I think they enjoyed the time they had together. The race from Atlanta was on and Smoke finally won!!! I couldn't believe it! I was jumping up and down for joy! You kind of forget what it is like when your drive wins! It was really great. On Labor Day, we put out our few decorations and went to the inlaws. I always have such a great time over there. Nothing to do but chill and talk. Of course, I enjoy spending time with my loving husband and wonderful family! Now, my long weekend is over and the grind starts tomorrow, which I am grateful I can say that!



Love to you all!!!!!!

Wow, oh Wow!

It has been awhile since I have written. My mood is completely different now compared to the last time I wrote.

First off, Brendan decided he was going to quit football. I guess it wasn't for him. We were disappointed but we can't force him into something he doesn't want to do. He would complain ad cry so we didn't want to deal with it. But Kaylie is still in cheer and all for it. She is our personal little cheerleader. Can't wait for the season to really get going!

Second is...I GOT A TEACHING JOB!!! I am going to be a second grade teacher!!!! I never thought the day would come!!! So I have set up my class (sort of) and went to tons of garage sales. I am still looking for stuff for my room but I am so excited to have my own room. I am so ready to move on with this new part of my life. Scott is pretty happy for me too! I think everybody I have told is excited for me. I have waited awhile for this to happen. I guess I had to wait for the perfect one. I believe I will enjoy second grade.



Third, I have been Mod Podging a chest and some shelves for my classroom. Below are a few pictures of what I have done so far. I am going to be spray painting the holders for the shelves. I'm so excited that I know I am not speaking/writing correct English! :)




I am going to try to keep up better with this blog considering now I have something positive to write about. :)

Rambling

When I look back at my life and the choices I made, I wouldn't change them at all. Some choices hurt, some were happy ones, some showed me the truth and some were lies. I didn't realize it then but those choices made me who I am today.

You would think me being twenty-six would allow my choices to be easier to make. Well, that is not the case.

When I started college, I knew all I ever wanted to do was work with children in education. I was full of hopes and dreams that were soon and inevitably crushed. I am usually not a strong person but I was very strong the day in which I was told, "No, sorry." That is, I was strong until I left that office. When I got up and walked out, I looked around. Everything was fake. What I had been working on so long looked like a vicious lie.

I wasn't good enough. Not enough experience. Unbelievable beat downs from myself. Questions started forming. What could have been different? What did I say or do wrong? Was I too open, too emotional? Then the biggest and toughest questions: Am I made for this? Am I really supposed to be a teacher?

My heart couldn't take anymore questions, sympathy, anger, disappointment, and hurt. I set out to accomplish something and failed, miserably. I have not thought about that day recently. I'm writing this in my frustration with life. I appreciated all the advice and sympathy, even though I probably didn't show it. I hated the fact that I was so open and honest with it all. I gave my entire being to this.

I wanted to shrink back into myself and suffer alone.

Now, other opportunities await and ready to be found. My search has not been all that productive. Am I to stick with education or move on? Will I be happy not in education? What will I do if I get another job and a teaching position is offered to me?

The way I'm feeling and have felt is...I'm done.

4th of July Weekend

July 3, 2010

For the first time in many years, Scott and I decided to go to my dad's for the holiday. We went on the 3rd because we had plans for the 4th. We stopped to get fireworks before getting to my dad's house. Whew! The anticipation! So we drive the road to my dad's and pull up to see my dad cleaning his pool. My uncle was there too. We waited around for my step-mom, sister, and aunt to show up. It took them 3 hours to go to the store and back. The woman can shop! We were supposed to wait until dark to do the fireworks but I couldn't wait! I also wanted to get back home in time to see the fireworks from the high school. So after it rained (yes, rain) and after we ate, we lit the fireworks. The kids swam a little and watched. It wasn't dark enough but it was fun. It was nice joining my side for the holiday. We don't do it as much as we should. Oh well! By the way, we missed out on the fireworks from the high school but we found a dog for my mom-in-law. So overall, that day was great.

Uncle Glen and my kiddos


Rain Clouds that appeared out of nowhere!


Dad cleaning the pool


July 4, 2010

I didn't get any pictures on this day. I think we were all over the place and not really in a picture mode. We went to Scott's parents' house for the 4th. We had a cookout and I tried to swim. The kids had no problem getting in. On the other hand, even with liquid encouragement, I wouldn't get more than my legs in the pool. It was way too cold. We ate hamburgers and ribs and potatoes. Also, squash casserole and salad and all that other stuff. It was a nice and relaxing day. We enjoyed the moments with our family.

Missing You

I don't know what is going on lately with me but I have been missing my Paw-Paw. That man was everything to me. I only had a little bit of time with him. I think about all the years that I have not had him. Why did he leave me before I was ready???

My Paw-Paw died in 1995. He never saw me graduate high school or college. He never saw me get married and he will never meet his great grandchildren. I have so much anger because I want to know, is he proud of me and the choices I made in life? Would he have been happy with the way I am? Would he have given me advice or let me figure it out on my own? I hate that I have an angry feeling and I know that he is not suffering and he is in a better place. But, if I could have one more day with him...

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one ore day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

Leave me wishing still for one more day
Leave me wishing still for one more day

Lyrics: One More Day
Artist: Diamond Rio

The Past Few Days

It’s been a little bit since I have written anything. Apparently my life is not full of exciting details that I know about. I enjoy writing these blogs but I’m afraid that I am wasting my time and that nobody reads them. Oh well. At least I get to enjoy reading and writing them. I like to laugh at myself. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you have no sense of humor.

The last time I wrote, I spoke about my iMac’s hard drive crashing. Well, got a new hard drive and my old one is trash. I can’t get anything off of it. ☹ Not cool. All my contacts and saved papers from school where on that drive. I guess I won’t need the papers because I have about given up that road but the contacts were very important to me. Now, I have to figure them all out again. Oh boy! I have spent the entire weekend trying to get my computer up to par. That was not the easiest thing to do but I think I got most of it done. By the way, the “before” pictures were lost. Not too sad about that. ☺

Father’s Day Weekend was super busy. Saturday we did a lot of running around before heading to my dad’s. First we woke up and headed to Petsmart to get fish for my other fish to eat. While we were there, we had to look at the cats for adoption. They have a special place in my heart. I’ve always told Scott, “When you go, I’m going to become the crazy cat lady.” I think that would fit me perfectly. So after we leave (without a cat), we head to the Verizon store to transfer our lines to a business account. Well the guy that sold us our phones was not there so we dealt with some other person. Turns out they couldn’t help us because we needed the tax id number or something. So it was another wasted trip. Scott is going to have to go by himself next time because I will not go again to waste my time. Not even worth it.

So after Verizon, we headed home to pack up our stuff to head to dad’s. We headed out to go eat at Texas Roadhouse. If you know my family, we are very clean people. We have OCD big time. So eating at Texas Roadhouse was an experience for my children. They were in awe that they could throw the peanut shells on the floor. My dad had a great time getting them to throw their shells on the ground. Kaylie about had a heart-attack putting stuff on the floor. I thought it was pretty funny. After we ate, we headed out to dad’s house. We got there and the pool had a funny shade to it but the kids still wanted to swim. So dad got in there and swam with them. He tries to keep it clean but when he works out of state and stuff, he doesn’t always get it right. At least he tried and I love him for that. We stayed over there for a few hours and then we left. Man, I was tired.

So Sunday (Father’s Day), we headed to my inlaws at 8:00 am. Scott and his dad were going golfing and wanted to take Brendan with them for a few minutes and let me hit some golf balls. Brendan got bored pretty quickly. So mom-in-law and I went to pick him up. We hung out together while the men golfed. It was a fun day with some rough moments but all together it was a great day. The food was good and the company was great. It was another busy day and I was tired. So I watched True Blood and then went to bed because I had to get up the next morning at 7:00 am to drive to Denton. Overall the weekend was great and I hope it was a great Father’s Day for the men in my life.

Guess Who's Back?

Back again. Shady’s back. Tell a friend. Ha! Heard that song for the first time in FOREVER. Songs like that bring back memories. Ah, memories. Memories of driving around with nothing to do with the windows down blaring music. Good times.

Our weekend was busy. Friday, went to the doctor. I was prescribed some Amoxicillin for my sinus infection. These things are huge. HUGE! I feel like they are going to get stuck going down my throat. So since I wasn’t feeling good, I did only 30 minutes of yoga with my momma. Oh and my brother had decided to join us that night. He can get in the frame of mind, but when I am around my brother, all I want to do is fight. Not a good feeling on yoga day. So needless to say, I got nauseous while doing yoga and had to stop. By the way, yoga is totally not for me. I can’t “clear” my mind of anything. I have things I have to worry about. Any who…



Saturday wasn’t very interesting, oh wait, yes it was. We went to eat as a family again. After that we went to Verizon to see about getting new phones. We ended up with new phones and another line for our employee. I got a LG Ally. It is so great!!!! So our Saturday was nice. Sunday was so busy. We went grocery shopping and spent tons of money on food. Food we will eat. Nothing bad or anything. It is amazing to me how much our grocery bill goes up with how much the kids grow. I don’t know how much more food my kids can consume. After grocery shopping, it was camp time! Football for Brendan and Cheer for Kaylie. Boy was it hot! HOT! Overall the camps went good. Learned some new stuff and some old stuff. Brendan had fun as far as I can tell. He doesn’t really get animated with some stuff. After camps, we went swimming. The pool was really warm. That night, my iMac stopped working.

My life has officially ended. My iMac is not working. My life is on that computer! Everything I have ever done is on there. I tried everything that the Apple people told me to do. Nothing worked! I worked on it Monday and nothing. Scott sent my computer to one of his friends to fix it. I hope that Scott’s friend is able to get my information off my hard drive. If not, I don’t know what I will do! I guess that’s why I should back up my stuff more often. Then I wouldn’t be freaking out the way I am. It’s really sad that in today’s world, my life revolves around my computer. My computer keeps me up with my calendar and my addresses. Oh my gosh! What am I going to do? I am going on my second day without it! I am glad I have my MacBook. Without either, my life would be wasting away! By the way, I’m getting my iMac back on Thursday.

So, I hope to have good news at a later date about my computer. I could use all the good thoughts you can spare sent my way. Overall, not much has happened here. ☺

Not Easy Being Me

If a person ever said working with kids is an easy job, they deserve to be slapped. My job may seem easy and carefree but in all actuality it isn’t. I am not only a teacher. I am a butt-wiper, janitor, friend, and disciplinarian. Take today and yesterday for instance. Yesterday, I had a child miss the toilet and he proceeded to step in the poo on the floor. I had to clean him up and clean the floor up as well as watch 8 other children. He thought it was fun and games. I had to keep saying to myself, “It’s mud. It’s mud.” If I had thought about it, I would have lost my lunch. Now today, during snack time, I had a child keep coughing. I told him to get a drink of water and then he proceeded to puke on the table, the floor, and himself. If it had been any other day where I was feeling better, I would have handled it better than yelling for the director. Needless to say, I couldn’t really help her because I was afraid that she was going to have to clean up my mess. So, being a daycare teacher is not a walk in the sunshine.

I am beginning to fear doing yoga, which is the plan for tonight’s exercise. I don’t think I have the peacefulness in me that is needed for this exercise. Have I mentioned how much I loathe working out? I’m sure I have but I am mentioning it again. I loathe working out! My momma makes it fun and all that but I’m not that person to get excited about it. I have to literally drag myself to my car and drive to my mom’s house. I’m not saying I don’t feel better when I do it, but it is the getting started that drives me bonkers. If I don’t start seeing some results soon, I am going to start thinking I’m doing this for nothing.

Brendan is very excited about his football camp on Sunday. He keeps asking me all the time, “Do I have football camp this weekend?” I hope he keeps up with this positive attitude if he does make it. Kaylie doesn’t really talk about cheer until practices start up. Then she is constantly walking around the house going, “A-H-M-O, AAAAAAHMO!” Sometimes you can’t help but give in and say it with her. But after the millions of times, you just want it to stop.

I hate going to the doctor. I broke down and called because of the pressure in my head and sinus areas. It has to be bad in order for me to call the doctor and make an appointment. Doctors are not high on my list. Neither are dentists. What made this appointment even worse was that I didn’t see my regular doctor. I despise the fact that they always make me feel inferior and that I am doing stuff wrong with myself. I enjoy my regular doctor because he makes me feel comfortable but telling me stuff I need to do better. He doesn’t say it in a know-it-all voice. He is very friendly and helpful. So, I was upset I didn’t get him as my doctor today. Plus, I had to wait over an hour to see this not regular doctor. Blah! So, now I will begin my weekend with a sinus infection and jury duty on Monday.

Calgon...

Take me away! Just kidding! Today, I decided wasn’t going to be a great day. Turned out, it wasn’t that bad. No workout today. Today was our off day. Instead, I went to dinner with my hubby and kiddos. We ate at Amado’s in Murphy. If you haven’t been there, it’s pretty good. Dinner for 4 costs about $45.00 including drinks. It was a nice night with my family. Good laughs and good food. We have not had a night like this in a long time. I enjoyed it.

Since today was my off day, I decided that I was going to dance around my room to get a little movement going. Dancing to “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!” and “According to You” makes me feel so much better. I enjoy dancing and jumping in the privacy of my room. Singing at the top of my lungs helps too. Of course, there was that one time that I jammed my toe by dancing around. I have to be careful because I get out of control sometimes. Never was I in to going to clubs and stuff, but you give me music in my house and I will be grooving and moving. I get that from the times I spent dancing with my momma. We had good times, my momma and I.

So after I danced and boogied a little, to make my momma happy, I decided to work on my scrapbook. I was in my room for about 2 hours and got 3 pages done. The three pages are dealing with the snow that we had here in Texas at the beginning of the year. I am so far behind in my scrapbook. I feel overwhelmed and not prepared enough. I need a scrapbook room. But first, I need a bigger house. Maybe I will ask Scott to build me another room. Ha! Yeah, if we build another room it will be for my future baby.

Kaylie told me today, as if I didn’t know, that she was out of pants to wear to daycare. Sometimes that girl…

Sitting in my living room with my hubby watching Discovery Channel is final proof that I am happy and content with my life. Where the silence is not uncomfortable and you aren’t filling the silence with chatter is not common nowadays. I love sitting here relaxing while watching the hubby search the internet for pellet guns or dove leases. It is a life that I enjoy and cherish each and every day.

Working Out

I will be the first person to say that I am not a health conscience person. I don’t work out and I don’t eat healthy. I guess that is why when my mom wanted to borrow my P90X videos, I said that I would do them with her. What was I thinking? Apparently I wasn’t thinking at all. Who in their right mind actually enjoys working out? I don’t. In fact, I loathe working out. Looking at all my fat jiggling and waving around doesn’t make me feel better. It actually makes me feel worse. How is working out going to help me feel better if I can’t stand to look at myself? Since I am 25, I decided now is the time for me to really try. With my mom as my support/work out buddy, I feel that I might get some new attitude I didn’t have before.

I had “before” pictures taken yesterday. OMG! What a sight that was! I am hoping to see some kind of miracle! I was weighed and measured. I don’t like that being done (even at the doctors office) but I believe that maybe, just maybe, I might feel better about myself if I stick to the regiment my mom has decided on. I hope I don’t crash and burn before then.

With summer right around the corner, pool time is coming quickly. I don’t care what I look like at my house but if we have company, I am not getting anywhere near a pool without a moo-moo on. Nobody is going to see this nastiness. I enjoy swimming and I think that will be motivation for me to really stick with this program. I might continue to randomly post about my experiences but I don’t think it will be an everyday thing. I want to share my ups and share my downs but I don’t want to recall every moment. Some things are better left unsaid.

Brendan has been worn out just from his football camp on Sunday. He was dragging all day yesterday. It was pretty funny to see him so tired. I hope that is a good sign of things to come for him. I will be at the fields all day pretty much on Sunday. Concession stand, football camp, parent meeting and then cheer camp. Whew! I’m tired just thinking about it. I hope that Brendan really enjoys the football experience. I hope that he continues on this journey for himself and not for us. I think he needs this one thing that makes him feel good. Now, if he makes it, it’s going to be rough. Brendan is a strong and resilient child. He will do great!

Kaylie, of course, doesn’t seem to every have any issues with cheer. Well, except the listening and talking part. The girl doesn’t seem to realize that there is a time to talk and a time to listen. I don’t know what I am going to do with her. She has fabulous coaches and I know they won’t let her get away with anything. The fact that the coaches are friends of mine makes it even better! Kaylie and her BFF are going to have a blast this year. I really can’t wait for this all to begin. AHMO!

Wish me luck in the coming weeks that I continue with my work out routine and I survive my kiddos’ extracurricular activities!

First Day of Football Camp

I was a very nervous momma. Here my son is growing up and moving on. I could have cried when I let him go by himself with the coaches and other players. The other moms there were really nice to me, considering this is my first time with him. But my heart was aching seeing him go and be happy. I don't see that a lot from him. It made me sad but happy at the same time. My little boy has found something he enjoys. I hope that he will continue to like it and I really hope he makes the team. So much worrying from me. Scott was proud of Brendan and Brendan practically shined when I told him we were both proud of him. Sometimes you don't realize how much a child waits to hear his parents are proud of him. That was a lesson learned.

Brendan handled the heat well enough. It was so hot but that's what we get for playing football in the Texas summer heat. But he said he did okay. Brendan said the players/coaches said he talked a lot. I laughed. I agree with the players/coaches. So we had to discuss that he needed to pay attention to what he was supposed to be doing and not have conversations. There are times when talking is okay. While practicing, probably not the best times. He looked so cute and little while having his camp. There goes my momma instincts again. :)

Driving home, I kept telling him how proud I was of him and how well he did. I don't think the boy stopped smiling all the way home. Once we were home, it was pool time. I hope that I will be able to see him take a hit by another boy. I hope my heart doesn't stop each time that happens. Overall, I am just happy that my son is happy.



Heading to football camp! Look at that smile!

Going Ons

It’s been awhile. Keeping a blog is much harder than what I thought. I guess my life is not as eventful as I thought it would be by this time. I spend my nights watching Nickelodeon with the kids and searching for a job on my Mac. I kind of miss going to school because I felt I was doing something beneficial. I have the fleeting feeling that I am failing my family. I hate that feeling. I am so tired of filling out applications and sending emails. I’m in a rut, while everybody around me is moving forward with families/careers. Whew! It felt really good to get that off my mind.

Brendan and Kaylie will be active over the summer and I will be along for the ride. Kaylie has cheer and Brendan has decided to try out for football. My little boy is growing up. If Brendan makes football, we will have the kids major full time. Meaning no every other weekend to their mom’s house. What was I thinking? ☺ Just kidding. I’m proud that my children want to be active and play in a sport. I’m worried about Brendan making football. If he doesn’t make it, we are thinking about putting him in karate or something. He needs to vent his frustrations one way or another. I think this opportunity will be great for him. Kaylie needs to get her socializing out of the way. She talks way to much at school and doesn’t expel her energy the way it needs to be done. Cheerleading helps her gain friends and keep a positive attitude. I hope the summer isn’t too hot. Ha! Who am I kidding? Summer in Texas equals massive heat. Let’s get ready for some football!!! AHMO!

End of the 2010 school year for my kiddos. Brendan will be in 5th grade and Kaylie will be in 3rd grade next year. It is so hard for me to believe that my kids will be in separate schools and won’t be in the same school again until high school. I am so proud of my kids. Brendan had A’s and B’s all year long and Kaylie had A’s all year long. Brendan also achieved perfect attendance. They made me a very happy mother.



Scott’s birthday was June 3rd. He turned 33 this year. We went out to a sushi restaurant because that is what Scott chose. Kaylie had her first piece of sushi. Scott tricked her into eating it. The faces she made were worth her trying a piece. I don’t think I have laughed so hard in my life. Overall, dinner was good and the hibachi grill chef was awesome. The kids really enjoyed it. It is an experience I hope my kids remember.







I’m going to try to keep up with this blog better than I have recently. Thank you for reading and sharing in my proud moments and my not so proud moments.

So much....

So much has happened the past few days.

First off, Wylie’s Angel finally has a name. His name was Gerren Joseph Isgrigg. He was only 6 years old and had a full life ahead of him. They arrested his GRANDMOTHER and charged her with murder. Simply stated, what in the world was this woman thinking??? This poor little boy depended on her for everything and she did what?!?!?!? Some people these days! Now, Gerren can finally have peace.

Second, Scott and I finally incorporated his business. We are now known as Snider’s Heat and Air, Inc. and we are the board of directors. Scott is the President, Secretary, and Treasurer. I, however, am the Vice President. Such huge shoes to fill. ☺ I don’t really do anything with the business so I guess I should learn more about it now. Oh boy!

Third, Kaylie made 1A cheerleading again for WCYFA Pirates! We are extremely excited. What makes it even more exciting for Kaylie this year is that her best friend, Maddi made it too! So, cheer starts in the next few months and my life won’t be quite so boring. AHMO!



Fourth, I went to a job fair today in Garland. Fun times! I went to so many school that I lost track of where I went. Good news is that one of the principals took me to the side and talked a little with me. He doesn’t have any official openings but he said he would keep me in mind. So, I will keep my fingers and toes crossed that something good comes out of this hectic Saturday.


Next, I want to thank each and every person that walked for Relay for Life last night. If I didn’t have to be at the job fair today I would have walked also. Those of you that walked or donated, you are awesome! We need to find a cure for cancer and soon!

Lastly, thank you to each person that is praying for me and thinking about me. My mother-in-law gave me flowers to cheer me up. She is the sweetest lady ever and I am the luckiest girl in the world. She always knows how to make me feel better! I am thankful for my life, family, and friends. I hope you all have a wonderful day! Remember to kiss your kids goodnight even if they are already asleep!

Where to begin?

Hmmmm...never thought I would do a blog before but I have family that I don't see very often and well, I want them to experience our life. So, where to begin? Scott and I have been married for 6 years. We have two children, Brendan (10) and Kaylie (8). Brendan is really into video games while Kaylie is my outdoors/cheerleading girl. They make my life better than what I thought I would ever have. I live for my family. They make me a better person and I hope I make them better people. We are a family that enjoys being outside and shooting air rifles but, we also enjoy spending quiet time inside watching movies. We have extended family who live from coast to coast. I have family on the Eastern and Western shores, while Scott's family is based in Alabama. I might have been born in California but I am a Texas girl at heart. So...I guess this was a great first post for me. Let's see if I am able to keep up with it. :)