I am thankful for two wonderful children. They may not be my blood but they are my life. They are why I get up in the morning and why I work so hard. They are why I am trying to be a better person and mom. They are why I am so glad that I can call myself a mom. My life was empty without them. I know they are kids and I need to be patient more but I wouldn't change a thing about them. Yes, I would love for them to listen and not fight but what child doesn't do that with their sibling? I know that I did. My children are my world. One day, I hope that a brother or sister might join them. But for now, I am thankful that I have these two wonderful, often trying, children.
I am thankful for the miscarriage that I had. I have come to the realization that life hands you certain things in order to test you. This was one of the biggest tests I have had to go through. I might not have realized I was being tested but I was. I needed to see how strong of a person I really was. I needed to see this and understand the motions of it. I have realized that I had to learn failure before I saw results. I saw that with jobs I applied for and then I saw it with wanting a baby. When I think hard about it, I often cry. I won't forget this pregnancy or how I got through the loss of it. I am not all the way healed and I doubt that I ever will be. I don't want to focus my whole being on this but it is so far sketched into my heart, soul, and mind that I can't forget. My anger towards everything was understandable and I hope those around me that noticed it forgive me. I don't want those that are experiencing the joys of their pregnancy to be afraid to talk to me about their journey. I want to know all about it. I don't want to take others happiness away. I can't help but think, right now, I might know what I'm having. I might feel the baby kick. I would start picking things out and getting ready. I am not doing that. It hits me at certain times but I close my eyes, think about it and open my eyes and move on. My time will come. My time will come. My time will come.
I am thankful for my friends. They make me laugh, think, and sometimes cry. All though the crying isn't on purpose. Mainly it is the talking about serious matters that does it. I have such strong friends that have gone through some serious stuff and they have helped me in my time of need. I am thankful that they have accepted me the way that I am and they see me for who I am. I am not fake. I am not expecting something from them. I am the most giving person that I know. My friends are a lot like me. I love them all and I am so thankful that my journey in life has brought me to them. I hope that they know how special they are to me.
I am thankful for my family. My mom because she taught me all that I know today. She is one of the strongest people I know. She is tough in the face of adversity. She taught me right from wrong. She has lead me through life and stood by me no matter what. I don't know what my life would have been like without her guidance and strong hand. :) My brother. Oh my brother. What I would do without your humor? I don't know how I would have made it through my life without you. I don't tell you this often but I am so proud of you and how hard you work. You are such a private person and I hope that one day you will find that special woman that truly understands and loves you. Don't take that the wrong way, no woman will ever be perfect enough for my brother but I love him and I want what is best for him. Remember Bubba, I will love you no matter what. My dad. Hmmm...my dad. :) I love him. Although I might not like the choices he made in life, no matter what he is my dad. Deep down I believe I'm a daddy's girl. I might not have liked him but I sure do love him.
Lastly, my husband. I am so thankful for the life that we share. I am thankful that you helped me finish school and accomplish my goal of teaching. I am also thankful that I am a mom to our children. I am thankful that you love me and cherish me. My life was empty and full of self-loathing and you helped clear it up. I love you more each day and I don't know what I would do without you. I love you with my whole heart, body, and soul. Going on 7 years of marriage and it feels only like yesterday that we met.
So as the year draws to a close, I see the journey my life has taken and I am not at all sad about the choices I have made. 2011 will be a great year because I am a very thankful woman. I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas and an even more wonderful New Year.
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