Almost Over

This year has been one of the hardest, trying, and most joyful times of my life. As I sit here in my room, listening to the movie playing in the living room, I am thinking of all that I am thankful for.

I am thankful for two wonderful children. They may not be my blood but they are my life. They are why I get up in the morning and why I work so hard. They are why I am trying to be a better person and mom. They are why I am so glad that I can call myself a mom. My life was empty without them. I know they are kids and I need to be patient more but I wouldn't change a thing about them. Yes, I would love for them to listen and not fight but what child doesn't do that with their sibling? I know that I did. My children are my world. One day, I hope that a brother or sister might join them. But for now, I am thankful that I have these two wonderful, often trying, children.

I am thankful for the miscarriage that I had. I have come to the realization that life hands you certain things in order to test you. This was one of the biggest tests I have had to go through. I might not have realized I was being tested but I was. I needed to see how strong of a person I really was. I needed to see this and understand the motions of it. I have realized that I had to learn failure before I saw results. I saw that with jobs I applied for and then I saw it with wanting a baby. When I think hard about it, I often cry. I won't forget this pregnancy or how I got through the loss of it. I am not all the way healed and I doubt that I ever will be. I don't want to focus my whole being on this but it is so far sketched into my heart, soul, and mind that I can't forget. My anger towards everything was understandable and I hope those around me that noticed it forgive me. I don't want those that are experiencing the joys of their pregnancy to be afraid to talk to me about their journey. I want to know all about it. I don't want to take others happiness away. I can't help but think, right now, I might know what I'm having. I might feel the baby kick. I would start picking things out and getting ready. I am not doing that. It hits me at certain times but I close my eyes, think about it and open my eyes and move on. My time will come. My time will come. My time will come.

I am thankful for my friends. They make me laugh, think, and sometimes cry. All though the crying isn't on purpose. Mainly it is the talking about serious matters that does it. I have such strong friends that have gone through some serious stuff and they have helped me in my time of need. I am thankful that they have accepted me the way that I am and they see me for who I am. I am not fake. I am not expecting something from them. I am the most giving person that I know. My friends are a lot like me. I love them all and I am so thankful that my journey in life has brought me to them. I hope that they know how special they are to me.

I am thankful for my family. My mom because she taught me all that I know today. She is one of the strongest people I know. She is tough in the face of adversity. She taught me right from wrong. She has lead me through life and stood by me no matter what. I don't know what my life would have been like without her guidance and strong hand. :) My brother. Oh my brother. What I would do without your humor? I don't know how I would have made it through my life without you. I don't tell you this often but I am so proud of you and how hard you work. You are such a private person and I hope that one day you will find that special woman that truly understands and loves you. Don't take that the wrong way, no woman will ever be perfect enough for my brother but I love him and I want what is best for him. Remember Bubba, I will love you no matter what. My dad. Hmmm...my dad. :) I love him. Although I might not like the choices he made in life, no matter what he is my dad. Deep down I believe I'm a daddy's girl. I might not have liked him but I sure do love him.

Lastly, my husband. I am so thankful for the life that we share. I am thankful that you helped me finish school and accomplish my goal of teaching. I am also thankful that I am a mom to our children. I am thankful that you love me and cherish me. My life was empty and full of self-loathing and you helped clear it up. I love you more each day and I don't know what I would do without you. I love you with my whole heart, body, and soul. Going on 7 years of marriage and it feels only like yesterday that we met.

So as the year draws to a close, I see the journey my life has taken and I am not at all sad about the choices I have made. 2011 will be a great year because I am a very thankful woman. I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas and an even more wonderful New Year.

Secret Santa

This was the first year that I have really had the money to do Secret Santa. All the other times I have done it, I was pushing it. :) I hope that my Secret Santa person enjoyed all the goodies I got for her.

Now my Secret Santa really knew me. She was AMAZING! I loved everything she got for me. Her husband writes amazing poems and they were clues about what I was getting that day. So I thought I would share the poems because they are too good to be true! :) Thank you Kelly (my Secret Santa)!!!

MONDAY

On Monday we start this game of Holiday Cheer,
Giving secret Santa gifts to friends we hold deer,
Your marbles I heard you lost,
The search was on, no matter the cost.
Over her and over there,
Your marbles I could not find anywhere.
New marbles were my new goal,
For without them, you make as much sense as a troll.
A new jar of marbles will make you wiser,
for without your marbles, you just are not the same Amanda Snider.

TUESDAY

The Monday blues are gone and Tuesday is smelling sweet,
Let's start this day with something good to eat.
Edward is your man, you say he is a real sweet heart,
The candy may be eaten, but the box you will not part.
If this Cullen man should appear,
As he holds your hand we hear you say "Oh Dear"
Some lotion is needed to make sure your hands are nice and soft,
As your head is spinning, as you slowly float to his loft.
Two days down, three to go,
All this secret Santa has to say is HO, HO, HO!

WEDNESDAY

Wednesday is the middle of the week,
Several times from your room we have heard you shriek.
The hump is here and you don't seem to care,
You should always be careful, cause your secret Santa could be anywhere.
A lump of coal is what you've got,
To earn more gifts, you will be put on the spot.
Your smile is dragging and your spirits need lifted
To the office you must go...if you want to be gifted.

(So I went to the office and I got this poem)

To the office you came with such a rush,
The gifts you must want, you will do what you must.
With students and your duty you hope your not long,
But to receive your gifts you must sing a song.
To the PA you go with such glee and fright,
You will light up the school just like Rudolph's nose at night.
"We Wish You a Merry Christmas" you must sing,
You are wondering who would do such a thing.
Pens and stickers and even a little picture frame,
You may guess and guess but you will never know your secret Santa's name.

THURSDAY

To Thursday we go,
Who your secret Santa is..you just want to know
The week is half over and this gift giving does not need to slack
We must build your strength with a nice little snack.
Oh my! You must say, as you wonder what the bag has inside,
You are guessing who I might be..but my identity I must hide.
Some drinks and candy and even some corn that pops,
When the week is over the fun will stop.
The week has been lots of fun,
I will be sad when the secret Santa is done.
I have watched you open your gifts from afar
Who knew so much fun could start with marbles in a jar.
Mrs. Snider, second grade you teach,
I need to get to know you, cause you seem like such a peach.

FRIDAY

Ahhhh...its Friday, the best day of the week.
I bet you the final secret Santa gift is what you seek.
You have gotten marbles in a jar, some lotion and even some candy,
All of these gifts you have thought are dandy.
At the end of this time as your secret Santa, you really need something superb
The gift you are getting is something special...Man right now I need some AWESOME verb.
You need something that will really test your wit,
Part of your gift is something neat. I just hope you haven't already scene-it.
I know that any candy would be just fine,
But you deserve what you want...so it had to be RED VINES.
Games are given at Christmas...Monopoly, dominoes, and Farkle
But I knew when I saw it...you must have an Edward that sparkles.
I know that you like to laugh and talk to my belly,
Your secret Santa is none other than Kelly.

(I loved all my gifts but my favorite part was reading the poems. They were the best! Of course, my Edward doll that sparkles is pretty AMAZING too!!!)