Thursday, January 20, 2011
Scared
My life has had so many ups and downs that it is so hard for me to really think positive. Since my miscarriage, I have had many thoughts and some of them were not positive ones. Mostly it was thoughts of what could have been and what should have been. Basically I was mad at myself. I kept thinking about what I did and what I could have done differently. Of course, there was nothing that I could have done. What happened is what happened. Nothing could have changed the outcome but dang it if I don't wish that wasn't the ending. :( So anyway...I'm scared. I'm scared to even try again. I am so fearful that I will take the test and it be positive and then in a few weeks the doctor say oh wait nevermind. I am so scared. I haven't been this scared in a long time. I wish I didn't have to feel that way. Oh well. Well, times will change and I am sure that my feelings will change also. I have to try to think positive and realize that this time might be different when the time comes.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Thoughts Of A Woman
Again, I can't believe it is already 2011! When I was graduating in 2002 from high school, I never would have believed that I would be married and have children. I was very adamant about never getting married and having children. That just shows you that you never know what you want until life hands you something different. I look at everything around me and think, "Wow! I am so glad this is how my life turned out."
It's snowing here in Texas. Imagine that. Snow. In Texas. Of course we had a lot of snow last year but still snow in Texas. Such weirdness.
Not much has been going on here. Started a new picture blog. That is lots of fun for me. I just hope that I will be able to get a picture up everyday. It is harder than what I thought it was going to be. K has her first competition coming up at the end of January. That should be fun! I always love seeing her happy and cheer is what makes her happy. Cleaned my blinds today. Whew! Never want to do that again! It is really cold outside. If I weren't lazy and cold, I would take my kids outside. B is getting big. I can't believe he is 11. Man! I'm getting old.
I have waited my two cycles and we should be trying again in the next few months. I'm nervous, sad, excited, and anxious to get this started. Of course, not a day goes by where I don't think about my first pregnancy. I hope the second time around ends with a better result. Sometimes when I think about it, it hits me like a knife in my heart. I feel as if I say that all the time. I feel like a failure but then I have to remind myself that I didn't do anything wrong. Something had to be wrong from the beginning but it doesn't make it feel any better. I just wish that I never had to go through it. But then again, I think it has made me have a new outlook in life.
Always tell your family and those that you love that you love them everyday! Sometimes you want to tell somebody something but they are not there anymore. Take care of yourself! Love like crazy!!!
It's snowing here in Texas. Imagine that. Snow. In Texas. Of course we had a lot of snow last year but still snow in Texas. Such weirdness.
Not much has been going on here. Started a new picture blog. That is lots of fun for me. I just hope that I will be able to get a picture up everyday. It is harder than what I thought it was going to be. K has her first competition coming up at the end of January. That should be fun! I always love seeing her happy and cheer is what makes her happy. Cleaned my blinds today. Whew! Never want to do that again! It is really cold outside. If I weren't lazy and cold, I would take my kids outside. B is getting big. I can't believe he is 11. Man! I'm getting old.
I have waited my two cycles and we should be trying again in the next few months. I'm nervous, sad, excited, and anxious to get this started. Of course, not a day goes by where I don't think about my first pregnancy. I hope the second time around ends with a better result. Sometimes when I think about it, it hits me like a knife in my heart. I feel as if I say that all the time. I feel like a failure but then I have to remind myself that I didn't do anything wrong. Something had to be wrong from the beginning but it doesn't make it feel any better. I just wish that I never had to go through it. But then again, I think it has made me have a new outlook in life.
Always tell your family and those that you love that you love them everyday! Sometimes you want to tell somebody something but they are not there anymore. Take care of yourself! Love like crazy!!!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
I will...
Wow! I can't believe it is already 2011. 2010 was such a trying year. Lots of good. Lots of bad. It is one year I won't ever forget.
I am not one for making resolutions because I end up breaking them as soon as I make them. So, I am going to tell myself each day to do and be better than the day before.
I am going to be a better mother, teacher, friend, and wife. I will remember that each day is new and not to look back on the negatives in life and just move forward. I will forgive those that have hurt me and remember that we are all human. I will love my husband and children more than ever and remember each day is a blessing. I will remember that my job is special. I am the guidance to those children and how I act/teach is a model for those children. I will be grateful for those that helped me and will continue to help me. I will support those that need it and those that don't realize they need it. I will be thankful everyday for the chance to live my life with freedom. I will remember that things happen for reasons and to not dwell on them. I will remember the moments that took my breath away and broke my heart but at the same time heal from the pain. I will remember with happiness those that are no longer with me, even if they have been gone for awhile. I will take time from my busy life to spend it with my children playing games and talking. I will take time and really talk with my husband.
I might not make resolutions but I do have things I want to do.
I hope that you all have a happy and joyous new year!!!!!
I am not one for making resolutions because I end up breaking them as soon as I make them. So, I am going to tell myself each day to do and be better than the day before.
I am going to be a better mother, teacher, friend, and wife. I will remember that each day is new and not to look back on the negatives in life and just move forward. I will forgive those that have hurt me and remember that we are all human. I will love my husband and children more than ever and remember each day is a blessing. I will remember that my job is special. I am the guidance to those children and how I act/teach is a model for those children. I will be grateful for those that helped me and will continue to help me. I will support those that need it and those that don't realize they need it. I will be thankful everyday for the chance to live my life with freedom. I will remember that things happen for reasons and to not dwell on them. I will remember the moments that took my breath away and broke my heart but at the same time heal from the pain. I will remember with happiness those that are no longer with me, even if they have been gone for awhile. I will take time from my busy life to spend it with my children playing games and talking. I will take time and really talk with my husband.
I might not make resolutions but I do have things I want to do.
I hope that you all have a happy and joyous new year!!!!!
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