Wow, oh Wow!

It has been awhile since I have written. My mood is completely different now compared to the last time I wrote.

First off, Brendan decided he was going to quit football. I guess it wasn't for him. We were disappointed but we can't force him into something he doesn't want to do. He would complain ad cry so we didn't want to deal with it. But Kaylie is still in cheer and all for it. She is our personal little cheerleader. Can't wait for the season to really get going!

Second is...I GOT A TEACHING JOB!!! I am going to be a second grade teacher!!!! I never thought the day would come!!! So I have set up my class (sort of) and went to tons of garage sales. I am still looking for stuff for my room but I am so excited to have my own room. I am so ready to move on with this new part of my life. Scott is pretty happy for me too! I think everybody I have told is excited for me. I have waited awhile for this to happen. I guess I had to wait for the perfect one. I believe I will enjoy second grade.



Third, I have been Mod Podging a chest and some shelves for my classroom. Below are a few pictures of what I have done so far. I am going to be spray painting the holders for the shelves. I'm so excited that I know I am not speaking/writing correct English! :)




I am going to try to keep up better with this blog considering now I have something positive to write about. :)

Rambling

When I look back at my life and the choices I made, I wouldn't change them at all. Some choices hurt, some were happy ones, some showed me the truth and some were lies. I didn't realize it then but those choices made me who I am today.

You would think me being twenty-six would allow my choices to be easier to make. Well, that is not the case.

When I started college, I knew all I ever wanted to do was work with children in education. I was full of hopes and dreams that were soon and inevitably crushed. I am usually not a strong person but I was very strong the day in which I was told, "No, sorry." That is, I was strong until I left that office. When I got up and walked out, I looked around. Everything was fake. What I had been working on so long looked like a vicious lie.

I wasn't good enough. Not enough experience. Unbelievable beat downs from myself. Questions started forming. What could have been different? What did I say or do wrong? Was I too open, too emotional? Then the biggest and toughest questions: Am I made for this? Am I really supposed to be a teacher?

My heart couldn't take anymore questions, sympathy, anger, disappointment, and hurt. I set out to accomplish something and failed, miserably. I have not thought about that day recently. I'm writing this in my frustration with life. I appreciated all the advice and sympathy, even though I probably didn't show it. I hated the fact that I was so open and honest with it all. I gave my entire being to this.

I wanted to shrink back into myself and suffer alone.

Now, other opportunities await and ready to be found. My search has not been all that productive. Am I to stick with education or move on? Will I be happy not in education? What will I do if I get another job and a teaching position is offered to me?

The way I'm feeling and have felt is...I'm done.

4th of July Weekend

July 3, 2010

For the first time in many years, Scott and I decided to go to my dad's for the holiday. We went on the 3rd because we had plans for the 4th. We stopped to get fireworks before getting to my dad's house. Whew! The anticipation! So we drive the road to my dad's and pull up to see my dad cleaning his pool. My uncle was there too. We waited around for my step-mom, sister, and aunt to show up. It took them 3 hours to go to the store and back. The woman can shop! We were supposed to wait until dark to do the fireworks but I couldn't wait! I also wanted to get back home in time to see the fireworks from the high school. So after it rained (yes, rain) and after we ate, we lit the fireworks. The kids swam a little and watched. It wasn't dark enough but it was fun. It was nice joining my side for the holiday. We don't do it as much as we should. Oh well! By the way, we missed out on the fireworks from the high school but we found a dog for my mom-in-law. So overall, that day was great.

Uncle Glen and my kiddos


Rain Clouds that appeared out of nowhere!


Dad cleaning the pool


July 4, 2010

I didn't get any pictures on this day. I think we were all over the place and not really in a picture mode. We went to Scott's parents' house for the 4th. We had a cookout and I tried to swim. The kids had no problem getting in. On the other hand, even with liquid encouragement, I wouldn't get more than my legs in the pool. It was way too cold. We ate hamburgers and ribs and potatoes. Also, squash casserole and salad and all that other stuff. It was a nice and relaxing day. We enjoyed the moments with our family.

Missing You

I don't know what is going on lately with me but I have been missing my Paw-Paw. That man was everything to me. I only had a little bit of time with him. I think about all the years that I have not had him. Why did he leave me before I was ready???

My Paw-Paw died in 1995. He never saw me graduate high school or college. He never saw me get married and he will never meet his great grandchildren. I have so much anger because I want to know, is he proud of me and the choices I made in life? Would he have been happy with the way I am? Would he have given me advice or let me figure it out on my own? I hate that I have an angry feeling and I know that he is not suffering and he is in a better place. But, if I could have one more day with him...

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me,
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one ore day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the tv off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

Leave me wishing still for one more day
Leave me wishing still for one more day

Lyrics: One More Day
Artist: Diamond Rio

The Past Few Days

It’s been a little bit since I have written anything. Apparently my life is not full of exciting details that I know about. I enjoy writing these blogs but I’m afraid that I am wasting my time and that nobody reads them. Oh well. At least I get to enjoy reading and writing them. I like to laugh at myself. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you have no sense of humor.

The last time I wrote, I spoke about my iMac’s hard drive crashing. Well, got a new hard drive and my old one is trash. I can’t get anything off of it. ☹ Not cool. All my contacts and saved papers from school where on that drive. I guess I won’t need the papers because I have about given up that road but the contacts were very important to me. Now, I have to figure them all out again. Oh boy! I have spent the entire weekend trying to get my computer up to par. That was not the easiest thing to do but I think I got most of it done. By the way, the “before” pictures were lost. Not too sad about that. ☺

Father’s Day Weekend was super busy. Saturday we did a lot of running around before heading to my dad’s. First we woke up and headed to Petsmart to get fish for my other fish to eat. While we were there, we had to look at the cats for adoption. They have a special place in my heart. I’ve always told Scott, “When you go, I’m going to become the crazy cat lady.” I think that would fit me perfectly. So after we leave (without a cat), we head to the Verizon store to transfer our lines to a business account. Well the guy that sold us our phones was not there so we dealt with some other person. Turns out they couldn’t help us because we needed the tax id number or something. So it was another wasted trip. Scott is going to have to go by himself next time because I will not go again to waste my time. Not even worth it.

So after Verizon, we headed home to pack up our stuff to head to dad’s. We headed out to go eat at Texas Roadhouse. If you know my family, we are very clean people. We have OCD big time. So eating at Texas Roadhouse was an experience for my children. They were in awe that they could throw the peanut shells on the floor. My dad had a great time getting them to throw their shells on the ground. Kaylie about had a heart-attack putting stuff on the floor. I thought it was pretty funny. After we ate, we headed out to dad’s house. We got there and the pool had a funny shade to it but the kids still wanted to swim. So dad got in there and swam with them. He tries to keep it clean but when he works out of state and stuff, he doesn’t always get it right. At least he tried and I love him for that. We stayed over there for a few hours and then we left. Man, I was tired.

So Sunday (Father’s Day), we headed to my inlaws at 8:00 am. Scott and his dad were going golfing and wanted to take Brendan with them for a few minutes and let me hit some golf balls. Brendan got bored pretty quickly. So mom-in-law and I went to pick him up. We hung out together while the men golfed. It was a fun day with some rough moments but all together it was a great day. The food was good and the company was great. It was another busy day and I was tired. So I watched True Blood and then went to bed because I had to get up the next morning at 7:00 am to drive to Denton. Overall the weekend was great and I hope it was a great Father’s Day for the men in my life.

Guess Who's Back?

Back again. Shady’s back. Tell a friend. Ha! Heard that song for the first time in FOREVER. Songs like that bring back memories. Ah, memories. Memories of driving around with nothing to do with the windows down blaring music. Good times.

Our weekend was busy. Friday, went to the doctor. I was prescribed some Amoxicillin for my sinus infection. These things are huge. HUGE! I feel like they are going to get stuck going down my throat. So since I wasn’t feeling good, I did only 30 minutes of yoga with my momma. Oh and my brother had decided to join us that night. He can get in the frame of mind, but when I am around my brother, all I want to do is fight. Not a good feeling on yoga day. So needless to say, I got nauseous while doing yoga and had to stop. By the way, yoga is totally not for me. I can’t “clear” my mind of anything. I have things I have to worry about. Any who…



Saturday wasn’t very interesting, oh wait, yes it was. We went to eat as a family again. After that we went to Verizon to see about getting new phones. We ended up with new phones and another line for our employee. I got a LG Ally. It is so great!!!! So our Saturday was nice. Sunday was so busy. We went grocery shopping and spent tons of money on food. Food we will eat. Nothing bad or anything. It is amazing to me how much our grocery bill goes up with how much the kids grow. I don’t know how much more food my kids can consume. After grocery shopping, it was camp time! Football for Brendan and Cheer for Kaylie. Boy was it hot! HOT! Overall the camps went good. Learned some new stuff and some old stuff. Brendan had fun as far as I can tell. He doesn’t really get animated with some stuff. After camps, we went swimming. The pool was really warm. That night, my iMac stopped working.

My life has officially ended. My iMac is not working. My life is on that computer! Everything I have ever done is on there. I tried everything that the Apple people told me to do. Nothing worked! I worked on it Monday and nothing. Scott sent my computer to one of his friends to fix it. I hope that Scott’s friend is able to get my information off my hard drive. If not, I don’t know what I will do! I guess that’s why I should back up my stuff more often. Then I wouldn’t be freaking out the way I am. It’s really sad that in today’s world, my life revolves around my computer. My computer keeps me up with my calendar and my addresses. Oh my gosh! What am I going to do? I am going on my second day without it! I am glad I have my MacBook. Without either, my life would be wasting away! By the way, I’m getting my iMac back on Thursday.

So, I hope to have good news at a later date about my computer. I could use all the good thoughts you can spare sent my way. Overall, not much has happened here. ☺

Not Easy Being Me

If a person ever said working with kids is an easy job, they deserve to be slapped. My job may seem easy and carefree but in all actuality it isn’t. I am not only a teacher. I am a butt-wiper, janitor, friend, and disciplinarian. Take today and yesterday for instance. Yesterday, I had a child miss the toilet and he proceeded to step in the poo on the floor. I had to clean him up and clean the floor up as well as watch 8 other children. He thought it was fun and games. I had to keep saying to myself, “It’s mud. It’s mud.” If I had thought about it, I would have lost my lunch. Now today, during snack time, I had a child keep coughing. I told him to get a drink of water and then he proceeded to puke on the table, the floor, and himself. If it had been any other day where I was feeling better, I would have handled it better than yelling for the director. Needless to say, I couldn’t really help her because I was afraid that she was going to have to clean up my mess. So, being a daycare teacher is not a walk in the sunshine.

I am beginning to fear doing yoga, which is the plan for tonight’s exercise. I don’t think I have the peacefulness in me that is needed for this exercise. Have I mentioned how much I loathe working out? I’m sure I have but I am mentioning it again. I loathe working out! My momma makes it fun and all that but I’m not that person to get excited about it. I have to literally drag myself to my car and drive to my mom’s house. I’m not saying I don’t feel better when I do it, but it is the getting started that drives me bonkers. If I don’t start seeing some results soon, I am going to start thinking I’m doing this for nothing.

Brendan is very excited about his football camp on Sunday. He keeps asking me all the time, “Do I have football camp this weekend?” I hope he keeps up with this positive attitude if he does make it. Kaylie doesn’t really talk about cheer until practices start up. Then she is constantly walking around the house going, “A-H-M-O, AAAAAAHMO!” Sometimes you can’t help but give in and say it with her. But after the millions of times, you just want it to stop.

I hate going to the doctor. I broke down and called because of the pressure in my head and sinus areas. It has to be bad in order for me to call the doctor and make an appointment. Doctors are not high on my list. Neither are dentists. What made this appointment even worse was that I didn’t see my regular doctor. I despise the fact that they always make me feel inferior and that I am doing stuff wrong with myself. I enjoy my regular doctor because he makes me feel comfortable but telling me stuff I need to do better. He doesn’t say it in a know-it-all voice. He is very friendly and helpful. So, I was upset I didn’t get him as my doctor today. Plus, I had to wait over an hour to see this not regular doctor. Blah! So, now I will begin my weekend with a sinus infection and jury duty on Monday.